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It’s important to evaluate whether you are philosophically aligned with your healthcare provider. Here’s how:

Pay attention. Note the manner in which you are treated, how your questions are answered or dismissed, and what you anxiety or empowerment level is when you leave your appointment. Consider all of your options. The OB/GYN you see for pap smears and well woman visits may not be the right person to be the care provider of your pregnancy, labor, and birth. Midwives and family doctors traditionally spend more time at prenatal visits, so this may be a better option if you’re feeling rushed. Do your research. Think about how many houses you looked at before buying or how much investigation you did before getting a new car. Take that same level of detail and apply it toward your search for a care provider.

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Meeting a toddler’s needs is hard work and your mobility, energy, and fatigue levels will change in pregnancy. You need to create the space for self care, and this requires effort and patience. Using a children’s timer, map out 40 minutes for you through four 10-minute blocks of time for your toddler. During these short time-outs, create engaging activities for your toddler, and you’ll be free to lie down on the couch or meditate.

In order to encourage your feisty toddler to play quietly for ten minutes four times a day, organize your activities into clear schemas of toddler play-auditory, kinesthetic, visual, and tactile - to stimulate all of your child’s senses.

Auditory: Try books on tape or CD, and set up the scene on the floor with a soft blanket, sippy cup, snack, and pillows, so he or she knows it’s story time. Kinesthetic: Make the second play block about ‘floor time’, where your toddler gets to build with blocks while listening to music. Visual: If your toddler still uses a high chair (or booster seat), fill the tray with crayons, markers and, washable paints and encourage him or her to create a piece of artwork. Tactile: Spread an old shower curtain on the kitchen floor, and put out mixing cups and bowls, wooden spoons ,and some flour. Let your child pour, dump, mix with no outcome, just the sensory play.

I promise if you commit to creating these consistent strategies for developmentally appropriate play, your toddler will be engaged, and you will create the space for self care!   Email Question

Many of the dads/birth partners I have served as a doula have appreciated specific tips to do to become more engaged in their partner’s pregnancy. Here are a few to try:

Provide transportation to a prenatal yoga or exercise class each way, making it easy for your partner to attend. Make it a special weekly ritual where you play specific music - not the news - on the ride there. Come home with boxes of commercially available ’pregnancy tea’ and brew it for your pregnant partner. Or, put it in a travel mug for her as she leaves for work. Pack travel bags of watermelon, papaya, or pineapple along with cashews and almonds for her to snack on and write a message on the bag. Listen to a prenatal relaxation tape with your pregnant partner or read a guided prenatal relaxation paragraph Give your partner a gentle foot rub each evening.

These simple acts are powerful ways to create meaningful and authentic tools of connections that will serve your body, mind, and spirit well together.   Email Question

Pregnancy is wonderful time to experience your entire body systems, beyond just the thinking mind. Activities that are internally focused and multi-sensory can help you connect more with your baby. Try cutting and pasting images to make a collage for your baby, drawing your strongest image of birth, making a clay sculpture, and singing lullabies to settle the mind and connect your heart with your growing baby.

Pam England, CNM, author of Birthing From Within, (www.BirthingFromWithin.com) explains that in labor the brain hemispheres shift from the left brain, the rational, talking brain, to the right brain, the brain of color and sound. This change in the brain during labor optimizes the hormone excretions for mom and baby in labor. So, spending time getting your fingers dirty with pastels, playing with clay, gardening, making bread, singing are all tools that not only nurture your creativity but actively connect you with your baby and prepare your brain for birth.   Email Question

We naturally produce a stress hormone called cortisol, which we need in small amounts. But, too much cortisol is linked to preterm labor, which is rising at serious rates. Stress reduction practices help by connecting women more to their own body wisdom and can positively impact motherhood. Research finds that a consistent stress reduction practice in pregnancy naturally increases dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), melatonin, and serotonin for greater sleep; decreases stress hormones, anxieties, and fears; decreases blood pressure; and normalizes one’s heart rate.  Email Question